Love

To The Girl Who Feels Insecure In Her Relationship

All of us have times in which we feel unsure of how someone feels about us… but anyone who has dealt with failed relationship after failed relationship knows that those insecurities can come to stay.

Personally, every guy I dated was never serious about me or our relationship. They either kept the relationship a secret completely, talked(or did whatever) with other girls while we were together, or were just inconsistent. Having multiple people treat me in these ways made me start to believe something was wrong with me… or that I just wasn’t good enough to be loved and appreciated.

Well, I’m here to tell you that is NOT TRUE. Not true for me and not true for you. It doesn’t matter who you are, you’re worth being loved and treated with respect. You just have to believe you deserve it.

I know it’s hard to believe that when you’ve been hurt by multiple people, but just like you don’t become best friends with every single person you meet, you won’t be soulmates with every single person you date.

The thing is though, you can’t keep carrying your insecurities with you in every single relationship you get into. I had to learn this the hard way with my current relationship. My boyfriend is a real trooper for putting up with me in the beginning stages of our relationship(and sometimes still to this day) when I was pretty much punishing him for the way others had treated me. It’s not right to do that to someone who is trying to give you the love and respect you wanted all along.

I realized I was in the wrong, and I tried fixing it by looking up articles to figure out how I could stop feeling so insecure. All of the articles, though, pretty much said the same things: stop overthinking, don’t act out of insecurity, don’t feel paranoid… okay, don’t you think I’m TRYING to do those things?

That’s part of the reason I wanted to write this today. I know from personal experience that it’s impossible to just stop feeling insecure. One of the things that has helped me, though, is to realize that I was insecure because of myself. Not because of my boyfriend. Not because of the dudes who did me dirty. Not because of my friends. I was insecure because I didn’t trust myself and I was putting others up on a pedestal above me(and that’s a no go, because I’m a queen).

When I started to tell myself mentally all of my amazing qualities on a regular basis, I began to actually believe them and in turn believe why everyone in my life loves me so much. It also helped me to stop putting others up on a pedestal. Don’t get me wrong, I like spoiling my man but now instead of being the one that’s giving, giving, giving,  I make sure that my needs are being met as well.

I also use the failed relationships I was in to prove to myself that I will know when something isn’t right and when I should get out. Instead of feeling bad about myself because of how I was treated, those relationships proved I can trust my instincts. So instead of worrying and looking for signs that something may be wrong in my relationship, I can just enjoy it.

I still have moments in which I feel insecure, even being in a happy relationship today, but I think everyone has those moments sometimes. Be compassionate towards yourself in those moments and just remember that you deserve the best even when you’re feeling insecure.

21 thoughts on “To The Girl Who Feels Insecure In Her Relationship

  1. The funny part is that I’m in the early stages of dating someone. She had some bad relationships in the last years. The funny part is that we had a first date planned. The first time (she proposed the date) and some family business came and we needed to move it. We moved it to a week after, that is the date I’m writing this reaction. Yesterday evening she said, when she is thinking about the date, she is completely blocking by nerves

  2. Getting to know yourself is the key. Maturity and spending time with yourself will bring that. It sounds like you’re doing that and finding out what makes you special and worth spoiling 🙂

    1. Thanks for the comment, Dawn. And yeah, I’m giving myself a little “me time” as much as possible. It really helps you learn who you truly are outside of work/school/relationships/etc.

  3. You are a wonderful writer. I truly enjoyed reading your post and can totally relate. I was definitely broken when I met my husband, but thank God for his patience and understanding. I was able to grow and learn to truly love myself and in turn, learned to love and treat him better.

    1. Thank you so much for your comment, Ashley! I’m glad to hear you were able to work through your insecurities with the help of your husband. It’s a good feeling knowing you have someone in your corner.

  4. Thank you for writing this. My relationship ended recently and part of it was because of me being insecure. Somewhere along the way I lost confidence. Now that I have more time for me, I’m working on changing how I think of myself. Mentally telling yourself your good qualities is something I’ll definitely try!

    1. Well thank YOU for reading! Mentally telling yourself your good qualities as well as telling yourself to ignore your negative thoughts has helped me a lot, so hopefully it works for you too! At first it’s hard to believe your good qualities, but as you continue repeating them to yourself, you’ll believe them more and more!

  5. Yes thats so true! You’re definitely what you think and I’m trying hard to think good thoughts about myself. I find that whenever I focus more on me instead of finding the right person, they always appear out of nowhere without me even trying.

  6. What a beautiful post <3 And you're right, we do all feel like that at one time or another. But the more intimate we get with ourselves the more awesome we feel in relationship with others, right? And while insecurity will rear its head again, the impact is much less. Relationships grow us in ways that we cannot grow alone, that is for sure.

    Thank you so so much for sharing your heart. I appreciate you.

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