All of us have times in which we feel unsure of how someone feels about us… but anyone who has dealt with failed relationship after failed relationship knows that those insecurities can come to stay.
Personally, every guy I dated was never serious about me or our relationship. They either kept the relationship a secret completely, talked(or did whatever) with other girls while we were together, or were just inconsistent. Having multiple people treat me in these ways made me start to believe something was wrong with me… or that I just wasn’t good enough to be loved and appreciated.
Well, I’m here to tell you that is NOT TRUE. Not true for me and not true for you. It doesn’t matter who you are, you’re worth being loved and treated with respect. You just have to believe you deserve it.
I know it’s hard to believe that when you’ve been hurt by multiple people, but just like you don’t become best friends with every single person you meet, you won’t be soulmates with every single person you date.
The thing is though, you can’t keep carrying your insecurities with you in every single relationship you get into. I had to learn this the hard way with my current relationship. My boyfriend is a real trooper for putting up with me in the beginning stages of our relationship(and sometimes still to this day) when I was pretty much punishing him for the way others had treated me. It’s not right to do that to someone who is trying to give you the love and respect you wanted all along.
I realized I was in the wrong, and I tried fixing it by looking up articles to figure out how I could stop feeling so insecure. All of the articles, though, pretty much said the same things: stop overthinking, don’t act out of insecurity, don’t feel paranoid… okay, don’t you think I’m TRYING to do those things?
That’s part of the reason I wanted to write this today. I know from personal experience that it’s impossible to just stop feeling insecure. One of the things that has helped me, though, is to realize that I was insecure because of myself. Not because of my boyfriend. Not because of the dudes who did me dirty. Not because of my friends. I was insecure because I didn’t trust myself and I was putting others up on a pedestal above me(and that’s a no go, because I’m a queen).
When I started to tell myself mentally all of my amazing qualities on a regular basis, I began to actually believe them and in turn believe why everyone in my life loves me so much. It also helped me to stop putting others up on a pedestal. Don’t get me wrong, I like spoiling my man but now instead of being the one that’s giving, giving, giving, I make sure that my needs are being met as well.
I also use the failed relationships I was in to prove to myself that I will know when something isn’t right and when I should get out. Instead of feeling bad about myself because of how I was treated, those relationships proved I can trust my instincts. So instead of worrying and looking for signs that something may be wrong in my relationship, I can just enjoy it.
I still have moments in which I feel insecure, even being in a happy relationship today, but I think everyone has those moments sometimes. Be compassionate towards yourself in those moments and just remember that you deserve the best even when you’re feeling insecure.