Tag: Love

Confessions Of An Interracial Dater

love is love
***Guest post by Olyvia of Hello Olyvia***

Hey guys! It’s almost Friday, woot woot. Get excited! Okay, so many people ask me questions about what it’s like to be in an “interracial relationship.”I really hate that term. What is this, the 50s? For the most part, we are just a normal couple. However, there are some obstacles we face that others wouldn’t. 

Before dating my boyfriend, I had been alone for a while. The struggles of interracial relationships were long forgotten. I was shocked all over when we got together and I had to deal with the stare again. It sounds dramatic, but that’s because it is. People give us death stares, evil eyeseyes bulging with disbelief, looks of disapproval, and looks of straight up disgust. You name itwe get it. For me, it’s the worst thing we deal with because it’s so constant. Wherever we go I can look up at any given time and see someone staring at us.

If people aren’t staring, it’s because they assume we aren’t together. It’s honestly confusing because we are usually engaging in some form of PDA. It’s just weird when I’m standing in line, extremely close to him or sometimes kissing him, yet the cashiers try to ring us up at different registers. “Oh, y’all are together?” Um, yes actually. I am here with the man I’ve been kissing for like, five minutes. One cashier was petty and tried to ring us up separately after we walked up to her register together. I guess she didn’t approve.

But if you think that’s awkward, it gets worse. Nothing gets more uncomfortable than restaurants. Once my boyfriend, his family, and I went to eat together. I went inside while everyone else parked and asked for a table for eight. Eventually, everyone else came inside and sat with me while we waited. The hostess asked if they were a part of the table of 8 and they said yes, but somehow she ended up confused. I’m not sure how. No one else had 8 people with them.

Our table was finally ready, so she came over and notified my boyfriend’s mom. She got up, and we followed her, but the hostess jumped in front of me as we were walking to the table. “Sorry, ma’am. It’s going to be a few more minutes for yours,” she said. My boyfriend explained to her that we were together. I wanted to explain that even if we were separate, I had gotten there first. Theoretically, this was my table. She turned into a tomato and ran away before I could say anything.

For the most part, I can forget about the strangers who diss me in public. I’m no stranger to racists and I don’t know them or care about their opinion. It’s more difficult when people I know personally insult me because of my choices. I have been told I hate myself and other black people because I’m not with a black guy. Apparently, I have internalized racism that I need to work on. I should get a reality check because nobody can love and understand me like a black man could. Black love is stronger than any other!

I understand where these comments come from (Except black love being stronger  seriously?). There are many people who date interracially for negative reasons. I also get that my boyfriend won’t understand every black issue. What upsets me is that people who know me won’t have a conversation with me about it. They do what the strangers in the street do and assume these things. If they would just open their minds and ask me a question, I would be glad to resolve any confusion.

I don’t have any ulterior motives when it comes to interracial dating. I don’t do it because it’s a fetish, nor do I want “cute mixed babies.” I don’t want babies at all! I do it because I don’t believe in limiting myself to a group of people who look like me. I’ve never bought into the idea that because someone looks like me they will relate to or love me more than someone who doesn’t. Since I kept my mind and heart openI was able to find my soul mate. That is the real point of any type of dating, interracial or not.

So, now you’ve got the inside scoop on what we colorful couples deal with. You might be wondering why we even choose to go through this. It’s a valid question. Most people don’t like being ostracized. But the way I see it, I have two options. I can let ignorance and pettiness stop me from dating who I want or I can suck it up and choose my happiness over conformity. Clearly, I chose the second option. I will always be satisfied knowing I followed my heart.

There is another silver lining to all the conflict. You may have heard the Bible verse “adversity builds character,” and it’s true. The trouble we face as a couple makes us closer. We comfort each other and build resilience together. If we were the same race, we wouldn’t need to do these things. We wouldn’t have the same bond either. I wouldn’t choose any other experience.

Between the two of us, our race doesn’t matter at all. I will admit I do love admiring his tiny, pale nose that is so different from mine. I love when he marvels at my hair and how it shrinks and stretches. But ultimately, these things are only physical. The connection in our relationship is much deeper than that. To answer “what it’s like” dating him, I can only say it’s blissful. My heart is so full knowing that there is someone who can look past our worldly differences and only see my soul. 

Written by Olyvia at Hello Olyvia. Read more from Olyvia on her blog and follow her on Instagram and Twitter.

Should You Serve Your Man? 🤔

couple

I saw a tweet retweeted on my timeline multiple times over the past few days that really made me think… as a woman, should you serve your man?

To summarize what the tweet said: the girl tweeted that she serves her man his plates, cleans up after him, washes his clothes, etc. because he’s the man of the family and works hard. She also went on to say that girls today have too much pride and if they’re so independent that they can’t do anything for their man, then they shouldn’t ask him for shit either.

Now, I follow A LOT of different women on Twitter and because of that there were a lot of different reactions to her tweets.

The majority of the moms that I follow completely agreed that you should serve your man. The majority of the women I follow that are entrepreneurs, bloggers, and/or students weren’t having it. They were like, it’s 2017, he’s working, I’m working, we’re equal. Get your own plate.

I actually agree with both sides in a way. I work and go to school and my man does the same. As much as I consider myself a feminist and a strong, independent woman, I still find myself doing the “womanly” duties around the house for the most part. BUT if I’ve had a long day at work or school and I’m tired, I’m not doing anything but relaxing when I get home. I refuse to fix his plate when I’m exhausted and he has two working legs!

Not to be intentionally mean or petty, but we are equals. He works, I work, we both pay bills. So if I’m extra tired then that’s his cue to cater to me. If he’s had a long day and he’s tired/stressed, then that’s my cue to cater to him.

I agree with the tweets in that you should serve your man. If he’s treating you well, then you should do the same in return, and your man should serve you as well. Both people should give to the relationship equally and do what works best for them as a couple.

What do you think?

Teamwork Makes The Dream Work

Boyfriend carrying girlfriend
This is a guest post by Samantha from Doing Life With You.

There is no ‘I’ in team! How many times have you heard that in your life? It’s heard when playing sports, our place of work, and guess what…you’ll hear it related to relationships too! Relationships are ALL about teamwork and I am a firm believer in this!

 

As you begin to spend the rest of your lives learning about one another, you grow to be that team. The unbreakable bond between one another makes the ultimate best friends…#RelationshipGoals, am I right?

What’s unique, is being strong for your team. You come to learn that being strong is about taking turns. There will be moments of weakness, but this is when you see true teamwork of you and your best friend being strong FOR EACH OTHER.

You are a team because you trust one another, you care for one another, and your respect one another. Teamwork is support, commitment, and encouragement. The list can truly go on, but think about this.

When you’re in a relationship, you never brag about yourself being so amazing and so great “I this or I that” (1. you would sound ridiculous and 2. You would be self-centered and probably not in a relationship). Instead, you are always showing and telling about how amazing and great your other is, that’s how your inspire your team.

Here are some great ways to drive your team to greatness #TeamLove

  1. Love them in all of their forms
  2. Support each other through everything
  3. Keep each other motivated
  4. Do not fight AT each other, fight FOR each other
  5. Sacrifice for one another, this is inevitable if you love each other!
  6. Stay open and honest with each other, ALWAYS, communication is key
  7. Every single day, try and learn something new about them (every day may be hard for some, so strive for once a week) and be sure to tell them what you’ve learned!
  8. Love their flaws… they are flaws, BUT you will learn to grow and love them whether you like it or not
  9. Commit to one another, take the leap and truly put your whole faith with them
  10. Respect each other on every level that there possibly is for respecting

Now, don’t get me wrong. There will be blow ups in any relationship and NO the world is NOT made of sunshine and rainbows…THIS IS NORMAL PEOPLE. We are meant to crumble at times, but again…that’s why in a relationship we grow this bond!

You honestly may not even know that bond is happening, but you’ll get so excited about something and the first person you want to tell is your significant other! You are upset or have bad news, you tell them. You are mad and need to vent, you do it with them. You are growing that team bond every time you are with your person.

Embrace loving your best friend because it is truly the best feeling in the world to know you have them and to know you do it all together, as one.

As my fiance and I say… “it’s you and I against the world!” Go, fight, and conquer together!

Guest post by Samantha from Doing Life With You. Check out more of her writing on her blog and follow her on social media: PinterestInstagramTwitterFacebook

To The Girl Who Feels Insecure In Her Relationship

asian girl holding flowers

All of us have times in which we feel unsure of how someone feels about us… but anyone who has dealt with failed relationship after failed relationship knows that those insecurities can come to stay.

Personally, every guy I dated was never serious about me or our relationship. They either kept the relationship a secret completely, talked(or did whatever) with other girls while we were together, or were just inconsistent. Having multiple people treat me in these ways made me start to believe something was wrong with me… or that I just wasn’t good enough to be loved and appreciated.

Well, I’m here to tell you that is NOT TRUE. Not true for me and not true for you. It doesn’t matter who you are, you’re worth being loved and treated with respect. You just have to believe you deserve it.

I know it’s hard to believe that when you’ve been hurt by multiple people, but just like you don’t become best friends with every single person you meet, you won’t be soulmates with every single person you date.

The thing is though, you can’t keep carrying your insecurities with you in every single relationship you get into. I had to learn this the hard way with my current relationship. My boyfriend is a real trooper for putting up with me in the beginning stages of our relationship(and sometimes still to this day) when I was pretty much punishing him for the way others had treated me. It’s not right to do that to someone who is trying to give you the love and respect you wanted all along.

I realized I was in the wrong, and I tried fixing it by looking up articles to figure out how I could stop feeling so insecure. All of the articles, though, pretty much said the same things: stop overthinking, don’t act out of insecurity, don’t feel paranoid… okay, don’t you think I’m TRYING to do those things?

That’s part of the reason I wanted to write this today. I know from personal experience that it’s impossible to just stop feeling insecure. One of the things that has helped me, though, is to realize that I was insecure because of myself. Not because of my boyfriend. Not because of the dudes who did me dirty. Not because of my friends. I was insecure because I didn’t trust myself and I was putting others up on a pedestal above me(and that’s a no go, because I’m a queen).

When I started to tell myself mentally all of my amazing qualities on a regular basis, I began to actually believe them and in turn believe why everyone in my life loves me so much. It also helped me to stop putting others up on a pedestal. Don’t get me wrong, I like spoiling my man but now instead of being the one that’s giving, giving, giving,  I make sure that my needs are being met as well.

I also use the failed relationships I was in to prove to myself that I will know when something isn’t right and when I should get out. Instead of feeling bad about myself because of how I was treated, those relationships proved I can trust my instincts. So instead of worrying and looking for signs that something may be wrong in my relationship, I can just enjoy it.

I still have moments in which I feel insecure, even being in a happy relationship today, but I think everyone has those moments sometimes. Be compassionate towards yourself in those moments and just remember that you deserve the best even when you’re feeling insecure.