Category: Social Issues

Confessions Of An Interracial Dater

love is love
***Guest post by Olyvia of Hello Olyvia***

Hey guys! It’s almost Friday, woot woot. Get excited! Okay, so many people ask me questions about what it’s like to be in an “interracial relationship.”I really hate that term. What is this, the 50s? For the most part, we are just a normal couple. However, there are some obstacles we face that others wouldn’t. 

Before dating my boyfriend, I had been alone for a while. The struggles of interracial relationships were long forgotten. I was shocked all over when we got together and I had to deal with the stare again. It sounds dramatic, but that’s because it is. People give us death stares, evil eyeseyes bulging with disbelief, looks of disapproval, and looks of straight up disgust. You name itwe get it. For me, it’s the worst thing we deal with because it’s so constant. Wherever we go I can look up at any given time and see someone staring at us.

If people aren’t staring, it’s because they assume we aren’t together. It’s honestly confusing because we are usually engaging in some form of PDA. It’s just weird when I’m standing in line, extremely close to him or sometimes kissing him, yet the cashiers try to ring us up at different registers. “Oh, y’all are together?” Um, yes actually. I am here with the man I’ve been kissing for like, five minutes. One cashier was petty and tried to ring us up separately after we walked up to her register together. I guess she didn’t approve.

But if you think that’s awkward, it gets worse. Nothing gets more uncomfortable than restaurants. Once my boyfriend, his family, and I went to eat together. I went inside while everyone else parked and asked for a table for eight. Eventually, everyone else came inside and sat with me while we waited. The hostess asked if they were a part of the table of 8 and they said yes, but somehow she ended up confused. I’m not sure how. No one else had 8 people with them.

Our table was finally ready, so she came over and notified my boyfriend’s mom. She got up, and we followed her, but the hostess jumped in front of me as we were walking to the table. “Sorry, ma’am. It’s going to be a few more minutes for yours,” she said. My boyfriend explained to her that we were together. I wanted to explain that even if we were separate, I had gotten there first. Theoretically, this was my table. She turned into a tomato and ran away before I could say anything.

For the most part, I can forget about the strangers who diss me in public. I’m no stranger to racists and I don’t know them or care about their opinion. It’s more difficult when people I know personally insult me because of my choices. I have been told I hate myself and other black people because I’m not with a black guy. Apparently, I have internalized racism that I need to work on. I should get a reality check because nobody can love and understand me like a black man could. Black love is stronger than any other!

I understand where these comments come from (Except black love being stronger  seriously?). There are many people who date interracially for negative reasons. I also get that my boyfriend won’t understand every black issue. What upsets me is that people who know me won’t have a conversation with me about it. They do what the strangers in the street do and assume these things. If they would just open their minds and ask me a question, I would be glad to resolve any confusion.

I don’t have any ulterior motives when it comes to interracial dating. I don’t do it because it’s a fetish, nor do I want “cute mixed babies.” I don’t want babies at all! I do it because I don’t believe in limiting myself to a group of people who look like me. I’ve never bought into the idea that because someone looks like me they will relate to or love me more than someone who doesn’t. Since I kept my mind and heart openI was able to find my soul mate. That is the real point of any type of dating, interracial or not.

So, now you’ve got the inside scoop on what we colorful couples deal with. You might be wondering why we even choose to go through this. It’s a valid question. Most people don’t like being ostracized. But the way I see it, I have two options. I can let ignorance and pettiness stop me from dating who I want or I can suck it up and choose my happiness over conformity. Clearly, I chose the second option. I will always be satisfied knowing I followed my heart.

There is another silver lining to all the conflict. You may have heard the Bible verse “adversity builds character,” and it’s true. The trouble we face as a couple makes us closer. We comfort each other and build resilience together. If we were the same race, we wouldn’t need to do these things. We wouldn’t have the same bond either. I wouldn’t choose any other experience.

Between the two of us, our race doesn’t matter at all. I will admit I do love admiring his tiny, pale nose that is so different from mine. I love when he marvels at my hair and how it shrinks and stretches. But ultimately, these things are only physical. The connection in our relationship is much deeper than that. To answer “what it’s like” dating him, I can only say it’s blissful. My heart is so full knowing that there is someone who can look past our worldly differences and only see my soul. 

Written by Olyvia at Hello Olyvia. Read more from Olyvia on her blog and follow her on Instagram and Twitter.

I Dare You To Be Body Confident

body confident girl
This is a guest post by Nisaa from thedowndeep.com.

Welcome, welcome to the conversation!

I first and foremost want to thank Morgan for featuring me at Her vs. World!

Today, I want to present something to you that might be a little more… edgy and direct than my usual style – we’ll see how it goes.

So in that case, I’ll take a minute to introduce myself:

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Hi, I go by Nisaa, better known as the founder of a blog called Down Deep.

I’m your average high school liberalist.

My dream schools are NYU, Colombia Uni, U of Miami, and the “Berk.”

I’m slightly more anti-social than people would normally assume by my personality.

I ask lots of questions.

I work like 3 jobs… in school full time, and I’m somehow still breathing.

Down Deep is my favorite thing to do on my free time. That and web surf Instagram feeds.

Oh and one last thing that this article will actually be about–I hate body shaming. Hate it.

With that said, I’m sure you can judge by your observations that I am most definitely dynamic, not at all complex. I’m full of candid dreams and simple requirements – nothing much to see here. But today I kind of want to hone in on the last quirk about me. Especially with the situation of a new leader in town and the presence of one of the most sacred (or simply recognized) months in black history, it’s an important thing to highlight and discuss.

Knowing myself, I am aware that this is an issue that I happen to belabor at an abnormally-constant rate. So. Instead of just writing an 8 page lecture about the importance of body confidence, I’ll make a list of 5 Thoughts I dare you to think regarding body-power and body-recognition. Enjoy!

  1. My body is my own. Not to be shamed, compared with, envied, categorized, represented, nor degraded.

Every women today does not recognize that their body is a paradise. A heaven for the children, a source of pleasure for themselves and for their partners, may they choose to engage with one. Euro-centric beauty standards have become an uncomfortable counter-reflection in the mirrors of colored boys and girls. Thankfully, pop culture is starting to recognize the rainbow true to the spectrum of beauty and acknowledgement.

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  1. My body is a garb of royalty – to be adorned, adored, and acknowledged.

Body empowerment has become such a socio-political topic in media when, with all due respect, it’s my shit to comment on and my shit only. Too thin? Next. Too thick? Try again. And personally, I don’t subscribe to these standards. We women have to take responsibility of clarifying societies place in terms of their say on our bodies. We want to blame media for our lack of empowerment and we have all rights to, but at the same time proactivity is the only method towards progress. Take a stand and be about it!

  1. My body is merely perceived as a perspective; it is crucial to realize that, regarding judgment, what is good is true in my book. And what is bad is… well, propaganda.

Body confidence is all about knowing that you are all you have to offer and being sure that this will always be enough. Taking ownership of your bid to the world is how we can maintain a positive ecosystem rid of body shaming. As cliché as it sounds, the haters are GONNA hate. What else can we do but turn a cheek and tell them to kiss it?

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  1. Blemishes? Imperfections? whAT ERR THOOOOSSEEE?

Flaws are not flaws as much as they are distinctions. While you’ll find me preaching about inner beauty constantly, I will always advocate for conjuring your inner Beyoncé strut and working it in the faces of all those who told you that you couldn’t. Admire the unique assets custom-flaunted by the one and only You.

  1. My body is the business and I am the BOSS, running this enterprise since day 1. As any business does, mine has its quirks, but what business has ever thrived and grown from insecurities?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve never met a CEO that didn’t know how to take a compliment. I know I’m sort of belaboring it, but… OWNERSHIP, ACKOWLEDGEMENT, AND CONFIDENCE! Women today have to learn how to remember the women they wanted to be when they were younger… and then BE her with the necessary edits and “glow ups” included. Be a leader for the little girl in you who started believing somewhere along the span of puberty that she wasn’t the shit anymore.

With that said, what are your thoughts on body confidence? Make sure to share them on social media!

P.S. Your “Challenge of the Week” is: Take a bunch of selfies… and actually POST them… EVERYWHERE! #BeBodyConfident

Want to read more from Nisaa? Visit her blog thedowndeep.com and follow her on Instagram and Twitter.